I hope you are well. It has been sometime since we have last talked and wanted to see how you are doing. I have found lately that life events have been opening my mind and broadening my perspective on those around me. I wanted you to know that while it may have been some time, you have not been forgotten or loved any less. Through the past few years I have allowed my busyness and trials to move me more into a comfortable isolation, to which I am deeply regretful and deeply sorry for.
I wanted to write to you to encourage you and hopefully help to engage you as well as I seek to become more purposeful with others again. This is something I have learned that I can not do on my own, realizing we are a people built to be in community. Without that community we slip, become more self focused and, in the end, self defeating. You know I am also a professing follower of Jesus as well, and struggle with the fact that I have not been loving others around me as I am called to do.
While I understand we have different views, as well as valuing our relationship, I want you to know I love you because I am loved. We have spent a lifetime of friendship together and deep feelings result from that connection as well, but the one that most pulls at my heart is my lacking to connect more with you and share the love I now know, with you.
I know that with the family, new and growing responsibilities at work, trying to keep up financially and then with the spare time left over trying to meet other self imposed obligations, I feel that there really isn’t much I can do in the way of spending time with you. This I am deeply sorry for and for my selfish actions in not purposefully seeking out our relationship as well as others around me. There are seasons in life, but through them all, staying engaged with those I cherish should not waver.
I have come to see that life is not just a path we walk and just encounter others as we go along. Life is also about choosing what path we take, and how we interact with those we encounter along the way. Through loosing loved ones we have not spent time with, seeing those around us go through difficulty and finding out after the fact, as well as coming to the understanding that life is much better lived through sharing it with each other, can cause many regrets. It is these regrets I want to stop living, and start living life more with you.
I hope that his letter shows my deepest regrets and helps to provide some guidance through my actions. I am choosing to engage more, not be ashamed of my faith through not sharing with you and desiring to tell you, you are loved no matter what and there is a life eternal past this one where there are no more regrets, no more pain, no more apologies for mistakes. There is a place where we can be together and be with others who love unconditionally, live together in perfect community and life is made new and right again.
Please understand that I want to be in community with you, but also show you the community I have found in Christ Jesus. This is not something that comes easily or feels natural, but something that I am seeking more diligently for the sake of our relationship, for the sake of your enteral standing, and for the love I can not express in words that I have found and now feel for those around me. I know that this may not be what you ultimately expected or wanted to hear from me. I want you to know that no matter how you feel, or chose, I want to be in community with you because I care about you. I do hope one day we can share a common faith, but in the moment I want to share a found love with you.
I hope this comes not to late as I have recently found I have fallen in this with a dear friend. As I stare at them in there bed watching there last moments, I feel deep regrets, deep sorrows for not being there that past few years. I do not want to wait till it might be too late any more. It is now my choice as I keep moving forward in life, I choose you, I choose those around me. I choose to purposefully follow the faith I so flippantly say I believe in. Please choose this with me, and if not now please know that I am here any way, choosing to be in relationship with you.